I’ve said it before and I’ll no doubt keep on saying it but some days/weeks are just shit. There is often a good reason but it doesn’t change the fact that I have to wade through all that shit to get to the lovely island of “Evening” or “Weekend” that is my sofa, my PJ’s and binge-watching TV shows from our stacked-out media player.
Sometimes I feel so bad that the uric acid-esk build up in my brain gets so high I think I may have brain gout (not a real medical diagnosis).
My techniques for dealing with brain gout have had varying levels of success over the years. As a child I would move my room around, then cry because it was different and I didn’t like change. As a teenager I followed the Angelina Jolie school of emotional release and self harmed. As a 20-something I drank lots of wine and gin and ran around hugging people but as a actual real grown up woman none of these are really conducive to professionalism, not being an over dramatic ’emo’ young person wearing too much black or my ageing liver.
Just like other people I have movies, books and blogs I read to cheer me up but when I need to focus on the negative rubble winding about in there I know it needs to be something a bit less existential and more physical to help me get out of the over internalising, self doubt and second guessing that makes daily life challenging.
One technique I am currently using is undertaking a few random acts of kindness. This sounds like it will turn into a sycophantic inspiration post but hear me out. By doing something small and kind for another person I feel like I may be giving out a bit more niceness and thought than I am giving out negativity and cynicism. In doing this and not expecting anything other than a thank you in return, I feel like I have balanced my out-goings to a more proportional level.
My mental turmoil can be appeased by reminding myself that I am not the biggest shit in the whole world so far today. In zen terms “it’s not about using the bucket, but about knowing the bucket is there should I need it”. I am pretty much Mr Miyagi today… “Wax on. Wax Off, grasshopper.”
Today I brought in home-made fudge for some people at work to take home and share with their families. An act selfless in the fact that I don’t require anything in return but selfish when you understand being good to other people makes you feel like a better person.
So I suggest you smile at the supermarket girl, even if you hate every second of shopping, thank your waitress or barrister, maybe leave them a small tip if you can afford it, let someone go before you on the road and know that you can tell yourself you are a good person (with examples!) when the self doubt starts to race in.
Be the anti-inflammatory to the gout of your own brain.