I ended up at Warhammer World because our friend Matt lied to me.
When you’re asked if you want to go to a “dwarf bar”, what’s your first thought?
Mine was “Ohh, a bar run by or even just generally dwarf themed? Eeee!”. I was hoping to be surrounded by Lord of the Rings style, costumed dwarfs, with weathered faces and matted red/brown beards. Maybe even staring little people, as in the Wizard of Oz or Willow.
The whole car ride I was getting myself psyched up about my cross-over Wizard of Oz/Hobbit notions; a bar with dented tankards and raucous fiddle music. Gruff, bearded men serving flagons from a low bar, built to their specs rather than ours. A place where we tall people would feel like Alice in Wonderland because the whole place was built to small people’s standards. Perhaps even to the extent of having little toilets, really awkward and difficult for full sized people to use, so we all feel like gangly giants. That, I would have enjoyed.
But I was wrong. Or perhaps just cruelly mislead. I’m still so bitter Matt.
What I got was geeks. Loads of geeks.
I realised soon after we arrived just how wrong I had been. THERE WERE NO DWARFS ANYWHERE. NO LITTLE PEOPLE. NOT EVEN ONE. So, so sad.
The whole place is themed on the Warhammer World fantasy universe (or is it a multiverse? I neither know, nor care honestly) from the credibly popular, fedora loving, neck-beard, Tolkien off shoot games of the same name. I was always aware such a world existed but I’ve never known (nor cared) about the details. Having said that, I always appreciate a well kitted out theme bar/restaurant/cafe so it wasn’t all bad.
It was a shame it wasn’t a real fire. That would have lent a lovely warmth and smell to the place.
The bar, called Bugman’s Bar is a part of the mythos of the game brought to life, offering food and drink to service the hoards of clever t-shirt and cargo pants wearing, pony-tailed game players. While there I was one of only 3 women visible, at least two of whom appeared to be there under duress, or at least under an extreme tit-for-tat compromise. I wonder, how beautiful were the shoes those ladies purchased in retribution for their afternoon spent in the splendor of figurine heaven?
It’s no Weta Workshop, but they’ve made a good effort. I liked the attention to detail, the availability of props to play with, and the people watching. I saw a man with a ponytail held aloft with a large tortoiseshell hair grip and bobby pins. He’d made a discernible effort to tame his flowing mane, I’m guessing to avoid stunning any and all ladies into silence with it’s magnifloriousness.
However, I’m here for toilets, and that’s where they let me down.
How incredibly boring is this?
Why go to all the effort of making a really well crafted themed bar if the toilets will jolt you right back into reality? It was a huge hit and miss for me. The illusion was broken the second you creak open the bathroom door to find yourself in a white, sterile, standard public toilet. These pictures could have been taken anywhere. Even public libraries and council buildings have more personality than these.
It seemed evident to me that the owners made an extreme decision to have the bathrooms look in no way themed with the bar it’s self, which I think is bullshit. Do you not care about the illusion created for your customers? Where is the magic? The themed toilet magic?
It’s a classic mistake I’ve seen many times; a proprietor who doesn’t think through the whole dining/drinking experience. Because of my constant use of and need for publicly accessible toilets, I have crafted a solid, almost religious belief that the bathroom of an establishment tells volumes about the creator and how much they care about your experience. Ask yourself, how much does the owner of this restaurant care about my arsehole and the experience it has while I’m here? If you leave out something as vital as a good toilet, what does that say about how you run your business? It makes me doubt your intent, neigh your love of your customers. A dirty bathroom shows a manager/owner who doesn’t care about their customers. A lazy bathroom set up shows a company/owner who didn’t think through their customer’s requirements from nose to tail. You must to use every part of the buffalo Kimosabi, with love and care when making an effective customer lead business.
Cleanliness : 8/10 Yes, it was decently clean, but at what cost?
Interior : 4/10 This is where Bugman’s loses points for dullness. This bathroom was like a bleached arsehole. Perhaps it seemed like a good idea at the time but it had no personality or humanity.
Exterior : 7/10 I enjoyed sitting in the bar and people watching while Josh and Matt went to the figurine museum. The overall atmosphere of the place was unintimidating and hobby-esk.
Safety : 7/10 You might feel the wrath of a room of frustrated sweaty men if you wrongly questioned the validity or worthiness of table top games in today’s society. Or if you accidentally picked up and broke one of the super intricate models scattered about the place. They might stone you.
Snugglitude : 3/10 They missed a trick. It could have been such a cool themed toilet, but no. No dwarfs , not magical wizz palace.
Total : 29/50