Finally on the ninth day of Christmas things got interesting gift wise and my true love started to get it right with nine ladies a’dancing.
Now, if you think I was talented and capable enough to snap off a variety of detailed, colourful pics of lovely ladies gyrating with only a handful of diamante to cover their modesty, well then you don’t really understand the point of this blog.
To fulfill my dancing ladies night, and because I happen to love seeing gorgeous ladies (and one man in this case) take off their clothing in clever ways, I booked my boy and I tickets to watch the World Burlesque Games in Holborn. Tits jiggled and the pasties spun in a competition to be crowned Miss Alternative or Miss International. The quality of the women watching the show was pretty fucking impressive but I have to say the men rather let down the side, most looking similar if not the same as the long haired bogans I had seen the weekend previous at The Black Heart.
Unfortunately for my part, my excitement at seeing a show and having the opportunity to get all gussied-up before hand, didn’t stop my anxiety having a spaz in the hours prior to curtain call. As soon as I was there with the lights down and watching the rhinestones fly, I was just fine, but since anticipatory anxiety is my super power I managed to be a twitchy mess in the hours leading up our arrival. It was, as ever, a drag.
Due to my brain melting to the approximate consistency of moist candyfloss, I was not on best form when we arrived at the hall. I should have taken myself straight into the bathrooms, had a nose about and taken a bunch of pictures while things were still quite. I should have set myself up to get a few shots during the show but again I did not. What I did do was tried to review the bathrooms during the intermission. Big mistake.
The line was perhaps 20 women long by the time I got to it. Thank God I had a beer to keep me company while I waited.
The bathrooms themselves were a great 1980’s combo of pink and grey in wonderful lifeless Formica.
You’d think that after 3 years of toilet blogging I would feel less anxious about photographing loos when people are around, but I don’t. I still think that someone will say ‘what are you doing taking pictures in a toilet?’ with that look on their face like the bullies in every John Hughes movie when they see what the protagonist is doing/wearing at what ever quintessential teen social event they happen to be attending.
There were so many women everywhere while I was trying to snap off a few not too obvious pictures that I managed to get the most crappy shots of my life.
Once the show ended I tried a second time to take some reference pictures but alas, one loo was filled with a young lady being sick or having been sick and sitting on the toilet floor with her friend (we’ve all been there love) and the rest of the bathroom had been left somewhat of a bomb site.
One of the sinks was out of order to begin with which they managed to subtly disguise.
The evening overall was wonderful, the performances were so much fun my face hurt from laughing and the dilettante nature of show’s organisation made me feel much more at home than I would have had it been a slick and professional show (which would have made my anxiety worse). Sadly, the quality of our experience is in no way mirrored in the quality of the facilities onsite or the quality of my reference pictures and for that I appologise.
Cleanliness : 6/10 It wasn’t cleaned during the performance but since the show was held in a local hall I doubt there were any onsite staff to clean up. The toilets took a battering over the evening but they had started clean enough to begin with.
Interior : 6/10 There were 7-8 stalls but only one set of loos that I could see. This caused a pretty lengthy traffic jam which had I been agoraphobic panicking rather than just generally anxious, may have posed a bit of an issue for me emotionally.
Exterior : 7/10 The hall looked slightly art deco in places but cheaply constructed compared to some of the examples of deco architecture around London. Unfortunately a bunch of refurbishment work over the years had caused the dreaded 60-80’s to sneak in and take away many of the redeeming features of the facilities on offer.
Safety : 9/10 Holborn is a busy semi-tourist-full area of the central city. Honestly if you’re going to be safe with any group of people the alternative/retro crowd is the way too go; the people are sweet, accepting, and offer a variety of amazing hair, make-up and styling tips that you just couldn’t get in any other group.
Snugglitude : 7/10 All points given for my enjoyment of the evening and not really so much for the toilet which was just ok under the circumstances. My comfort compared to the gorgeous young lady pouring hot candle wax on her lips and down her knickers remains to be seen.
Total : 35/50
One blurry little picture of a fully dressed performer is the best I can do. For better views of the ladies of the burlesque games, you’ll just have to go to a show yourself.