Kennington Park; looking grim

Kennington Park, once Kennington Common, is where generations of jeering Londoners came to watch as convicts were hung drawn and quartered. The local gallows may be long gone, but the grim ancestry of Kennington Park should begin to shape the emotions required for experiencing the following toilet review; confusion, revoltion, sickiness and physical ick.

Kennington Park public toilet, exterior

Kennington Park is a large expanse of greenery located just off the daily route between my work and home. From the road it looks a bit over-grown, but heartily used by the local community. When you walk through the gates you get a sense of the park’s well meaning but neglectful guardianship. They try, but man there is a lot of ground to cover and an army of drunk cocks ready to mess it up the second it is looking nice.

Kennington Park public toilets, exterior

On my approach to the toilet shack, I took in an odd, almost juxtaposing combination of scenes; people out walking the tiny dogs, men working out in the exercise area located off the the far left of this picture, nice young families playing sports with their kids watched over the a creepy guy on a bench who seemed to have no reason to be there other than to be a bit creepy.

Kennington Park public toilets, exterior, creepy guy

To begin with I thought he had a dog, but he didn’t. Then I thought he was waiting for friends but a long while later, post photographing and wandering, there he was still sitting there watching the kids play in a creepy way. Call me suspicious, call me paranoid, but it definitely made me feel a little uncomfortable.

When I got up close to the toilet proper I could hear music blaring from a modern day boombox of some description (pfft young people!). I can only describe it as Eastern European Tupac. The guys accompanying said booming box were standing on a basketball court, shirtless, not playing basketball. It was interesting.

Kennington Park public toilet, exterior door

It looked a big roughed from the outside but nothing really prepared me for the interior.

Kennington Park public toilet, exterior door

One men’s, one women’s, all a nightmare. The only word I can think of is prison.

Kennington Park public toilet, interior stall

These photos are a bit wobbly and unclear because I was so uncomfortable that I got in and out in a matter of seconds. That doesn’t sound so bad, but remember I spend hours of my life, mostly voluntarily in public toilets. This one was so bad that I didn’t even stay to pee, and I really needed to go. I don’t believe the images I took really do it justice but I was alone and had a fear in my heart that a crack addict may come and stab me with a hep c infected pipe at any moment. Again paranoid you might say but as I was rushing away from this loo, a couple whom I want to say looked “unfortunate”, obviously drunk (carrying beers/cider in an old plastic bag) and painfully thin (like a strong gust of wind might snap them) wandered over to the toilets. They were arguing, then the woman thrust her bag of booze to the man’s chest and stalked over to the toilet. She stayed for some time and he wandered off with her booze. I was very glad I chose to evacuate, without “evacuating”, so hastily.

Kennington Park public toilet, interior sink

Kennington Park public toilet, interior stall

This toilet was so blocked and full of paper and excrement that I recoiled in disgust, only snapping one very quick pic before trying to lock myself in the other stall for safety. Nope.

Kennington Park public toilet, interior broken lock

So fucking grim. The floor was wet with piss and liquid of various substances. At this point I ran away as fast as my fat little legs could carry me.

Next to this set of bathrooms there is a children’s playground which has it’s own toilet. I wanted to go in and see if it was in a better state than the “adult” loos but the sign on the gate stated that no adult was allowed in without accompanying a child and some of those parents looked fierce. Rightly so.

Outside the playground on a sweet little path I came across this sign.

Kennington Park, sign

This was enough reason for me to get the fuck out of there and most likely never go back.


Cleanliness : 0/10  So much excrement, piss and mess. Bad doesn’t begin to explain it.

Interior :  0.5/10  Like being locked in a horrible prison where no cleaning staff work and you might get shanked at any moment. I didn’t touch a single surface while I was in there. I think there may have been some toilet paper in one of the loos tho so.

Exterior : 1.5/10  The park is nice enough, if not a bit robby, rapey, drunky and overgrown.

Safety :  0/10  The locks were all broken and the feeling that someone might barricade you inside with the heavy metal exterior doors was constantly in the forefront of my mind.

Snugglitude : 0/10  So much yuck here, no happiness at all.

Total :  2/50

I don’t feel that I have found London’s worst toilet but this is a damn good starting point to begin comparisons.








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