Exterior view of The Pirates Kitchen, Symonds St

What’s the best kind of restaurant to force someone you’ve only met once to endure during a couples catch-up dinner? A pirate restaurant obviously, because who doesn’t love pirates and who doesn’t love themed shit?!

When my wonderful beardy significant other made dinner plans with his rarely seen, but much cherished university friend, rather than letting our guest choose the place, we decided the only course of action was The Pirate’s Kitchen on Symonds Street. Because friends make friends pose with pirate manikins on the main road at rush hour. Luckily for my delicate sensibilities (namely being a socially anxious mess), these men have known each other for many drunken years and Chris expected nothing less than complete subjugation. He was a willing and cheerful participant in our pirate oriented evening.

On arrival we were greeted by this dastardly gentleman, though he wasn’t much of a conversationalist.

The Pirate's Kitchen, Symonds Street, exterior figurine

Inside, we were watched over by a second burly, mute pirate. He managed to maintain our safety throughout the meal, in the face of marauding vessels and siren song.

The Pirate's Kitchen, Symonds Street, interior figurine

The Pirate's Kitchen, Symonds Street, interior, wheel decoration

Oh I do love a cheesy decoration!

But toilets, more specifically pirate toilets. How piratey were their toilets? How much piratey is too much in a bathroom setting?

It started well with these cool carved-looking skull’n’crossbone toilet signs.

The Pirate's kitchen, Symonds Street, toilet sign

Sadly from there on it got a bit less piratey.

The Pirate's Kitchen, Symonds Street, Auckland, toilet

I do understand the choice to go with a slightly more grown up, less pirate splattered toilet stall but if it had been up to me the bathrooms would have gone FULL pirate regalia.

The walls are a nice clean matt black with a faux wood lino which looks pretty good. There are a few piratical touches here and there, such as the necessities table.

The Pirate's Kitchen, Symonds Street, Auckland, necessities table

The rest was pretty ordinary.

The Pirate's Kitchen, Symonds Street, Auckland, sink

The Pirate's Kitchen, Symonds Street, Auckland, mirror

The Pirate's Kitchen, Symonds Street, Auckland, mirror selfie


Cleanliness :  9/10  It was all pretty much brand new and looked well cleaned. All that black paint could hide a plethora of sins I am sure.

Interior :  8/10  There was a room for each gender with plenty of privacy and space. I liked the free mints, tooth-picks and menu’s in the loo were a new and interesting twist. Sometimes it’s nice to have something to read on the bog!?

Exterior : 8/10  They have a few of their own parking spaces behind the restaurant which makes up for the horrid busyness of Symonds street. The waitress was ADORABLE and so sweet that I think if you went in and asked to use the loo in a bind she would give you access with not a single questioning look.

Safety : 8/10  It’s a family restaurant so if you are afraid of being mobbed by screaming kids, be aware. We went on a quiet Wednesday evening so it was just us and one or two others. The pirate figurines did a grand job of insuring our safety at all times.

Snugglitude : 6/10  It was pretty good but most of me really yearned for them to go full pirate, and cover the walls in netting and dangly shit. Like a toilet version of Naomi Harris’ voodoo lair in Pirates of the Caribbean but with y’know less dry, fishy, stinky stuff.

Total  39/50



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s