Monday 22nd June – 12.45 pm, lunch time ish
Aha! You thought I was done with all this medication malarkey? Well, by now I thought I would be too. Alas it has been a long spewy road. A road I am yet to Christopher Columbus the end of.
What I have discovered is that the process of choosing and matching medications to your personal biology does stop with putting pill in mouth, water then swallowing, particularly if like me, you are currently on a bunch of different medications. Guess what?! They don’t necessarily play nice in your tum tum together. One thing that has come in handy has been my own knowledge of my body, what ‘right’ feels like and consequently what ‘very wrong’ feels like too. I know that the gel caps on the brand name velafaxine did not make my belly happy and after approx. 10 weeks on them I decided to change over the the generic brand pill form in hopes of lessening my nausea.
I have learned that the original dosage you are put on is so necessary the dosage you will end up with. I was trepanned on to the SNRI on a half dose of 37.5mg up to 75mg a day currently but though I can feel that the medication is doing it’s job and allowing me the ability to differentiate between my anxiety (Bruce) and my own Lucy thoughts, it is not dampening my bodies physical reaction to stress and frustration. At times when I would usually feel a mild amount of frustration or annoyance my body is throwing it’s self directly into the throes of full on panic without a stitch of foreplay. I have gone from fine to heart racing, crying, shaking, twitching and gut wrenching mess faster than a Bugatti Veyron can make it too 100 m/h.
To this I say fuck you body and all your incorrect chemical signalling. My plan is to ask to have my dosage adjusted at my next appointment and after some interweb research I have discovered that any dosage between 75-200mg is acceptable for agoraphobia and generalised anxiety so I don’t feel too bad about asking to step up to 100 or 125 if need be. These are all things that can be looked at and possibly reduced when my health is more stable and my guts are better.
My final lesson was one I didn’t expect. On my previous drugs (SSRIs) if I missed a dose due to illness or forgetfulness it wasn’t a big deal, the effect was limited if at all perceivable. Earlier this week I was struggling with a nasty migraine and I slept 22 out of the 24 hours which made up Monday. I only managed to drink juice, eat a few muesli bars and down all the painkilling, sleep helping drugs I need when I’m deep in the hole of migraine misery. By Tuesday I felt a bit better migraine wise but mentally like I was moments away from asylum incarceration. I burst into tears because I felt so very very sad for no reason other than my physical pain. Turns out people say missing a dosage of venlafaxine is a no no and will besiege upon you such varied miseries and plummet you into the depths of Satan’s foot rot, emotionally speaking.
So I won’t be doing that again 🙂