Sunday 5th April – 12.20pm
Yesterday was pretty decent, I managed to keep myself busy with cleaning, gardening etc. The anxiety was kept at bay by physical exertion for most of the day. That really works if you have the spare time and a decent amount of energy which I frequently don’t.
The biggest issue throughout the day was my level of over sensitivity/pissed-off-ness. I found that even the smallest things REALLY fucked me off. It makes me all the more grateful for when I am properly medicated and can retain some normal human level of patience and perspective on things. I have to say though that so far this hasn’t been the worst few days I my life and I can put that down to a couple things ; the ondansetron I am taking is really doing a beautiful number of my terrible angry guts, less angry guts = less panic caused by angry guts. To not have weird bouts of nausea every now and then is really a gift from the gods. The four day weekend thing has been the best support for this transition. Rather than trying to muddle/internally shriek my way through my job where I have to interact with other humans occasionally, be away from the safety of my home and where people sometimes expect things from me. Having a long weekend where no one was expecting anything from me, no pressure and no need to do anything much other than sleep, eat and organise an Easter egg hunt for my friends was exactly the set up I needed to exist in the world drug free. At least this way it is my world and my choices dependent entirely on how I feel at the time.
My suggestion for anyone planning to change meds would be to take a holiday, tell all your annoying relatives to leave you the hell alone and just be at home and watch shit tv. It’s the best way to avoid the ups and downs of real life and anxiety for the period of time when your brain will be the most tender, like an over marinated steak.