The Toilet Finders Bible (non-existent) does not focus solely on the easy to find bathroom, oh no. The magic of toileting security for life is the ability to find a loo when you need one, not when a pristine convenience is staring you right in the face.
It is all very well and good for me to go on posting toilets at a rate of knots (that is after all how we measure the speed of toilet finding, in knots, like sailing but we don’t have awesome hats. Not yet anyway) that just any old body can find and use.
It’s not helping Mrs Jane Doe 100% if all they need do is read signs and discover a loo all by themselves, unless of course you are illiterate and someone is kind enough to be reading my blog to you and showing the pictures so in the future you might be able to find a decent public loo when needed/in a hurry in a variety of different settings. In that case I feel I am doing a decent service but to the general reading-able public perhaps my loo rating is more of a novelty than a real tool.
Aha! Or so you thought!
This blog will delve into the murky world of hidden toilets, those wonderful saviours in the face of public scrutiny and fearful spectacle.
Carlton Gore Road rests on the outer thigh of the lovely leafy Domain, heading toward the plastic metropolis of Newmarket. It is a businessy road filled with dry cleaned office people and men in dress shoes. It isn’t the most welcoming place and until the recent addition of a Pita Pit, did not contain any of the usual toilet stalwarts (take away places such as MacD’s/Burger King, petrol stations or a safe and decent council funded public loo). The Sierra Cafe visible in these photographs would have been my first choice in a bind, the very bind in which I found myself one bustling work day morning while heading to work but afflicted with a massive panic attack on-route. Sierra follows the basic criteria of faceless corporate, impersonal establishment with a standard lay out that would offer me ease or so I thought. In a slight fluster of pre-panic I have been known to walk past and look in wondering why I couldn’t see the public loo at the back of the shop. It wasn’t until I had a real panic episode and had to stop my car and go inside to ask where their bathroom was that I discovered they don’t have one.
That is only half the truth. The Sierra Cafe does not have their own bathroom in store but as is the law they have the use of a bathroom near by, in fact it is next door in the office building (see awesome white arrows!! Yay Paint, I’m so technical and computer talented!)
So the sneaky loo that you didn’t know was there is in fact a swish office building bathroom down a quiet hall way out of all public eye. My lesson is thus; nice looking office buildings frequently have great bathrooms in their foyers. If the reception is not on the ground floor then there is no one to get past and as long as you walk with purpose as though you are allow to be there, there will be no problem.
The bathrooms inside are clean, modern and well appointed as most big business types want to impress their clients as they partake of the facilities prior to a meeting or some sort of rich person money run with sticky glue and grabbing notes to adhere briefly to your nipples and tummy. That is how businesses make money right?
As with many of these buildings there is some pretty bad art to look at on your way through.
The bathroom in this building is a little on the difficult side orientation wise. The signage doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. A confession about my first visit to this bathroom, I couldn’t find the women’s bathroom as it was hidden through a different doorway and I incorrectly deciphered the sign. Believing the loo was down the stairs I scurried off in that direction to be faced with a lone men’s loo and no time left to re-route. I popped my head in and had a look to see that the men’s bathroom was totally empty. I ran like the wind inside and locked the stall door before anyone could see my interloping. It was a fearful few minutes spent in the bathroom hoping to bejezuz that no man would come in and catch me in the throws of bathroom transvestitism. I was in luck that day and got away with it.
Another day I would go back and find the women’s toilets, which are on the left of the elevators and down a corridor.
The bathrooms are dark and modern, very clean and well kept. I imagine a legion of cleaners wiping down every surface after each use to keep every up to tip top quality.
Exterior: 7/10 Hard to find but the hiddeness adds to the agoraphobia placation.
Interior: 7/10 Stalls but almost always empty so they feel quite private.
Safety: 9/10 As long as it’s not evening if/when I would worry about getting locked in.
Snugglitude: 7/10 points all given for secrecy and one-ups-man-ship in finding a secret/not so secret bathroom.